White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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