It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
