Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
