I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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