Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Someone shit on the floor
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
