yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize