conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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