i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
