I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
