I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
