You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
