Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
