My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
