I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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