we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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