just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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