I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
