people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
How's work?
Spinning.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
