Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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