I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
