i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need a beard to bite.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
