alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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