I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
