i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
