she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
