textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
