I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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