I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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