The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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