Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
