It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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