You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
