Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
