Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize