I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
