I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
