Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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