I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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