im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
