I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
