and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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