Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
