Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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