I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
