my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
