I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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