I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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