what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
last night I used snow as a chaser
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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