he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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