Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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