Duck Duck Cougar?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This gyro tastes like lonliness
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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