the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize