I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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