??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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