party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
