This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I need to stop coming to work sober
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
