i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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