i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My balls are so social today.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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