At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I love you. Go after that dick
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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