we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
True strength comes from lack of pants
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
