This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
