Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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