Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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