Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
