So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
